Body Trust is a Reciprocal Relationship

It takes time to re build it. And yes it is worth it.

Photo by R+R Medicinals on Unsplash

Myself and the participants in the Reclaiming Body Trust programme have been journeying together for almost two months now. We have just one more weekly session left, and it has been astounding to witness the changes, and ah-ha moments that has been taking place over this time span.

Most people who makes the difficult decision of letting go of dieting, Diet Culture and moving towards food freedom and recovery does so from a place of; “I can’t trust my body”. Underlying this might also be a feeling of “I can’t trust myself with my body”. And perhaps the biggest fear is that if you let go of dieting and move towards body trust, your body will balloon out of all proportions…?!

What most of us never stop to consider; our bodies may not trust us very much either.

Reclaiming body trust is not just us learning how to trust our bodies by realising that we are on the same team, it is also our bodies re learning that we can be trusted to provide it with its basic needs of food, rest, movement etc.

Your body isn’t a problem to be fixed

For many people the relationship with our bodies gets disrupted at an early age. It can happen through abuse and neglect, but also through body comments, body-based bullying or having well-meaning caregivers who try and control the child’s weight and size. Of course, living in a culture that praises some body types over others adds to this feeling of my body being “bad” or “wrong”.

Food and bodies are something that is real and tangible thus makes for good targets of control when other areas, including our inner landscapes feels out of control or chaotic.

Oh, and don’t forget how profitable it is to sell us the “solution” that fixing our bodies will “fix” everything else in our lives. The beauty and fitness industry is a multi-billion dollar industry.

But your body was never a problem to be solved. The culture we live in, is the problem.

Your body is yours to be partnered with.

So let’s ponder this: What would it look and feel like if you and your body were on the same team?

You don’t have to love what your body looks like

For the longest time I thought that I had to love what my body looks like in order to take good care of it. At times it felt too difficult to think that I could feed it well, rest and move according to its needs, when I felt so much self-loathing and at times, such panic that I could not shrink it fast enough to get rid of the disgust I felt.

Letting go of the idea that you need to love your body to deserve care may seem counterintuitive, but it may be something that can set you free.

If you keep fixating on trying to learn to love what your body looks like, it can keep you stuck in simply seeing your body as an object. Instead of looking at it from the outside in.

What may it be like to live through it from the inside out?

Of course, our bodies aren’t always comfortable places to be in. Sensory challenges and physical pain can make it harder to accept our bodies. Be gentle with yourself.

Our physical bodies require food day in day out. They are not like cars in that sense, that when a car is parked up it uses no fuel. Our bodies are always working, even when we are resting.

When I heard someone say: “When you are denying yourself food when you are physically hungry, it is like telling yourself and your body that you are not worthy of care”, it struck a deep cord inside of me.

Not just that underpinning dieting and restriction is a thought about being unworthy of nourishment, but also as a subconscious message that is being communicated to your body, over and over again. It is the repetition of this message that over time can erode the trust between you and your body.

Luckily, the opposite is also true.

Rebuilding trust between you and your body is affirming selfcare

In their book Reclaiming Body Trust, Hillary Kinavey and Dana Sturtevant use the expression doing with and for the body, rather than to and on the body. Moving away from doing things to our bodies towards doing things with and for it moves us away from restriction and towards body trust. It helps us stop seeing our bodies as an object and towards embodiment.

But what does building body trust look like in practice?

One excellent start is to begin eating regular and adequate meals. It is perhaps no surprise that one of the most popular blogs on my website is one that talks about Structured Eating.

Instead of waiting for the perfect time, and the perfect food, eat something when you are noticing that you are physically hungry. Give yourself permission to eat when you are hungry.

Eat regularly. Every 3-5h depending on your personal preferences. Regular eating creates predictability. After a long time of chaotic eating or restrictive eating, creating a pattern of regular eating can help your body relax. You are showing your body that food comes at regular intervals. It helps make it feel safer.

Get curious about your needs, desires and preferences. Learn to ask good questions of yourself and your body. And then listen for a reply. If this is new it will most likely require you to ask again and again, and to patiently listen with an open mind and open heart.

Questions like: What do I need? What do I like? What feels good right now?

Building trust with your body takes time and patience, just like every other relationship that have become fractured. We just have to remember that underneath all the cultural conditioning, the challenging life experiences and whatever else might have been done to your body, it is possible to come back to the realisation that we are on the same team

Would you like some support to reclaim body trust for yourself?

Right now I am taking on new clients. I work with people from all over the world and have a decade of experience in working with people who had a range of different food, eating and body image challenges.

I offer a free 30 min call to make sure what I offer is a good fit for you. If you are curious and looking for support with your relationship with food, eating and your body please book in for your initial free exploration call here.

Wishing you a lovely week ahead.

P.S If you haven’t listen to the first episode of Season 5 of The Joyful Nourishment Podcast then you can find it here.