Rest as resistance

It does not need to be earned. It is a necessity for life.

Mar 02, 2025

We don’t lack self discipline, We lack presence.

- Cheryl Huber

Resting without guilt, or without feeling like it has to be earned or deserved is something that I was not able to do for most of my life. This theme is something I observe often, in the people I work with and support.

There may be many reasons for why this is, and I do believe that a major one is our current culture. In a culture where “lazy” is used as a slur, and busyness in worn as a badge of honour, how can it be otherwise?

When I went to my first silent retreat it was because I instinctively knew that I was running both figuratively and metaphorically, and I needed a concrete way that would force me to stop and be still. Or else I would run out of steam and burn out.

It was a conversation with a friend of a friend who initially inspired me to look into attending a silent retreat, because they had found it immensely healing after their own work-related burn out. A recovery process that was still ongoing.

Something happened to me at that first retreat. The first two days was excruciating! Sitting still and simply being with myself and my own thoughts were ubeliveiably painful, and offered very little respite. This was the first time I could really “hear” my thoughts, and they were never ending. There was no let up… at any point. Let me tell you, it was not silent AT ALL in my own head. I was just to used to it, that I could tune it out.

We had little jobs to do throughout the days at the retreat centre, in between the formal meditation sessions. Like setting the tables, clearing out the dishes, chopping veg or giving the floors a hoover after lunch.

I don’t think I have ever been so excited to chop vegetables or to take out a vacuum cleaner! It was something to do!

But after the first two days something changed. Almost like a switch flipped inside, I was able to allow myself to be, to rest, and to “not do”. I can’t explain how it happened. Perhaps it was because I stopped fighting it. Perhaps it was because there was so little outside stimuli, that it was easier to give myself permission to simply be? And of course there were the guided meditations of sitting and walking, with instructions and guidance.

Being held by the entire group through it also helped.

What I know is that I made it through a threshold, that gave me the space to allow myself to rest, as needed, without guilt. From then on it has been easier to do so.

Why am I telling you this story today? Because I have been in a period of low energy for the past two weeks. I find that in this season of life my energy levels seem to shift wildly and that sometimes I have plenty, and I try and ride that wave. And other times it is much lower and I try and roll with that.

These past couple of weeks my capacity had been for my paid work, feeding myself and not all that much more. And that has been ok. Not beating myself up about it has been even better.

So here is an invitation from me to you, today, if you need it;

Let go of all the “shoulds”.

Lean into the truth that you do the best you can with what you have, from where you are.

Slow down.

Give yourself permission to be here now.

And in this space get curious about what it is your truly need, right this moment.